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Most students don’t realize that the way they talk about their work is the very thing making them avoid it.
Every time a student says, "I have to do this assignment" or "I must study for this test", their brain hears one thing:
"You’re being forced"
And the moment we feel forced, we resist.
That resistance doesn’t always show up as outright refusal.
Instead, it turns into scrolling TikTok, reorganizing a desk, suddenly needing a snack — anything but the task at hand.
Not because the work is impossible, but because deep down, we’ll do almost anything to protect our autonomy.
This isn’t just a school thing.
FBI hostage negotiators have seen people risk their lives before they will surrender control.
While homework isn’t life-or-death, the instinct is the same.
When we feel like we have to do something, our brain interprets it as a loss of freedom, and we push back — even against ourselves.
That’s the power of procrastination.
How Do Parents and Educators Unintentionally Trigger Procrastination In Students?
The moment students hear "I have to", they trigger an internal standoff.
Their brain interprets it as an attack on their autonomy, and suddenly, procrastination becomes their defense.
They’ll justify avoiding work, rationalizing why it’s unfair, unnecessary, or impossible to start.
Procrastination thrives in the minds of students who believe they are defending themselves from oppression—even if the “oppression” is just their own responsibilities.
But the moment they say I choose to, they stop fighting themselves.
The resistance fades because there’s no battle to win.
When they see the task as something they control, there’s nothing left to push against.
Parents and educators don’t have to trigger this standoff.
How to Change the Script with Students who Procrastinate
There’s a way to short-circuit this response, and it’s deceptively simple:
Swap “I have to” with “I choose to.”
Even when something isn’t fun, we can always choose to do it for a reason that benefits us.
Instead of:
"I have to write this paper"
Try:
I choose to write this paper now so I can relax later"
Instead of:
"I must clean my room"
Try:
"I choose to clean my room because I like having space to actually find my stuff"
It seems small, but this shift rewires how we see our responsibilities.
When we choose, we’re in control.
And when we feel in control, there’s nothing to resist.
So how can you enroll your student in this simple method?
How To Help Students Overcome Procrastination at School and Home
I believe the best way to educate is through entertainment. Let's look at two stories of putting this anti-procrastination principle into practice:
Overcoming Procrastination in the Home
At home, a dad notices his son dragging his feet on homework. He says:
“Come on, you have to do your homework,”
Immediately, the kid groans and slumps deeper into the couch.
He tries again:
“You can choose to finish now and have the whole evening free, or choose to wait and stress about it before bed. Up to you.”
The kid sits up, considers for a moment, and shrugs.
“Fine. I’ll just get it done now.”
By switching his language from "you have to" to "you can choose," the student made a choice in their best interest.
Will this work perfectly, every time?
Probably not.
But if you start to apply this approach, your student will learn through natural consequences, rather than coercion or an authoritarian approach which only creates more distance between you and them.
Managing Procrastination in the Classroom
In a classroom, a teacher hears the familiar complaints: Why do we have to do this?
Instead of arguing, she says:
“You can choose to start now and get through it together, or wait and feel rushed at the end. Totally your call.”
Within minutes, kids who would normally stall are at least making an attempt.
At its core, this trick works because it’s not a trick at all.
It’s a shift from force to freedom; from resistance to ownership.
When students stop seeing tasks as something being done to them and start seeing them as a choice, procrastination loses its grip.
But What If Students Still Choose to Procrastinate?
Some students, given the choice, will still choose to procrastinate. And that’s okay—at least at first.
The goal is not instant compliance; it’s teaching cause and effect.
If a student chooses to wait until the last minute and then panics, don’t rescue them.
Let them feel the stress of their decision.
If a teacher reminds students that a project is due in a week and a student waits until the night before, the natural consequence is feeling overwhelmed.
A parent can empathize—“Yeah, last-minute work is rough”—but not bail them out.
For this approach to work, parents and educators can follow these rules:
1. Don’t nag.
Once you’ve framed it as a choice, step back. Constant reminders bring back the feeling of being forced.
2. Be consistent.
If they procrastinate and it leads to stress, don’t swoop in to fix it. Let them connect the dots.
3. Validate, but don’t rescue.
If they’re overwhelmed, acknowledge it:
“That sounds stressful”
But don’t take the work over or bend deadlines.
4. Let them own it.
Over time, they’ll start realizing that choosing to start earlier means less stress later.
You can learn more skills for working with your child or student in my semester success blueprint course, or take my executive function coach certification course.
The Bottom Line
When adults frame work as something students must do, they unintentionally fuel the very procrastination they want to prevent.
But when they shift the language—You can choose to do it now and be done, or wait and deal with the stress later—they hand control back to the student.
And once students feel in control, procrastination has nowhere to thrive.
Hope this helps 🤙🏻
P.S. If you want to work on executive function skills with your students, consider joining hundreds of other educators and parents who have completed my Semester Success Blueprint Course. In less than 2 hours, this comprehensive course will teach you and your student the system I developed to help hundreds of students learn how to manage school effectively and raise their self-awareness and engagement with school.
About Me
Hey! I'm Sean 👋
I'm a former public school special education teacher who realized that executive function skills are more important than knowing when George Washington crossed the Potomac.
Since then, I've made it my mission to teach anyone who will listen about how to develop these key life skills.
In 2020, I founded Executive Function Specialists to ensure all students with ADHD and Autism have access to high-quality online executive function coaching services. We offer online EF coaching and courses to help students and families.
Realizing I could only reach so many people through coaching, in 2021 I started the Executive Function Coaching Academy which trains schools, educators, and individuals to learn the key strategies to improve executive function skills for students.
In 2023, I co-founded of UpSkill Specialists, to provide neurodivergent adults with high-quality executive function coaching services.
When not pursuing my passions through work, I love spending time with my family, getting exercise, and growing my brain through reading. You can connect with me on LinkedIn.