Thank you to our sponsors who keep this newsletter free to the reader:
Learn how to become an Executive Function Coach by downloading our comprehensive framework to start your coaching business. Learn more
You tell your teen to do their homework.
Nothing happens. You remind them—again and again.
Now it’s 10 PM, and they’re suddenly panicked about a forgotten assignment.
Meanwhile, you’re exhausted, frustrated, and wondering how you became their unpaid project manager.
Or maybe it’s chores. You ask them to clean their room, take out the trash, feed the dog—only to repeat the same requests every single day.
Eventually, you give up and do it yourself because that’s easier than the battle.
Here’s the rub: your kid doesn’t have a listening problem.
You have a boundary-holding problem.
If there’s no clear expectation, no immediate consequence, and no structured reward, why would they suddenly develop self-discipline just because you’re mad?
A behavior contract is the fix.
It creates clear rules, removes the endless arguing, and—most importantly—puts the responsibility back on your teen.
Let me show you how this works 👇
Why a Behavior Contract Actually Works
Without clear expectations, many teens operate on the principle that if they ignore it long enough, it’ll go away.
And most of the time, they’re right.
You’ll either do it for them, let it slide, or get so exhausted that you stop fighting about it.
A behavior contract forces clarity.
It lays out exactly what needs to be done, the reward for following through, and what happens if they don’t.
There’s no room for negotiation, last-minute excuses, or power struggles.
Your teen knows the rules.
You don’t have to be the bad guy.
When expectations are predictable, teens are more likely to follow through because they aren’t relying on their mood, energy level, or patience to determine the outcome.
Why Behavior Contracts Fail: Common Mistakes Parents Make
Mistake #1: No Plan, Just Panic
Most parents wait until things are already out of control.
They don’t set expectations in advance—they react when their teen inevitably drops the ball.
If you never made the rules clear, you can’t be surprised when they don’t follow them.
Mistake #2: Too Many Rules, Not Enough Focus
You want them to do their homework, clean their room, be polite, go to bed on time, and stop leaving dishes everywhere.
Sounds good in theory, yes.
But trying to fix everything at once guarantees failure.
Mistake #3: Assuming “Natural Consequences” Will Do the Work
Yes, in the real world, people face consequences for their actions.
But if your teen had the executive function skills to connect not doing homework with failing a class, you wouldn’t be here.
Some kids need structured consequences that actually matter to them.
Mistake #4: The Punishment Doesn't Fit The Crime
Your student misses an assignment, and you ground them for the entire weekend.
This extreme consequence creates resentment and a desire to rebel.
Step-by-Step Guide to Creating a Behavior Contract That Works
If you want to create your own behavior plan with your teen using a ready-made planner, grab my Behavior Plan Template.
Step 1: Find One Goal Your Teen Actually Cares About
Your teen needs a reason to care.
One parent I worked with, who took my Semester Success Blueprint Course, had a kid who dreamed of going to music college but wasn’t turning in assignments.
Instead of making the contract about vague “responsibility,” we tied it directly to their goal—because no passing grades meant no music school.
Step 2: Pick One Key Behavior to Fix
Not five.
Not three.
One.
For this student, the biggest roadblock was completing and submitting homework. That’s it.
If that were solved, grades would improve, stress would go down, and college would stay on the table.
Step 3: Set Up a Reward That’s Immediate and Certain
Teen brains thrive on instant dopamine, not vague promises of “success in life.”
This is where a DOPA (dopamine) Menu comes in—your teen picks short-term rewards they actually want.
For example, a student chose screen time as their reward for submitting homework.
Step 4: Define a Consequence That Actually Works
“If you don’t do your homework, you’ll fail the class” is too abstract.
The consequence has to be immediate and annoying.
In this case, if homework wasn’t submitted by the end of the week, the student couldn’t go out with friends.
Step 5: Make It Official (and Adjust If Needed)
Both the parent and teen signed the contract.
That made it clear—no more arguing, no more “I forgot.”
They could tweak the reward or consequence if something wasn't working, but the structure stayed intact.
The Bottom Line
If you are tired of banging your head against the wall and are ready to employ the science of behavior change, start here:
1. Find one goal your teen cares about
2. Pick one key behavior to fix
3. Set up a reward that’s immediate and certain (Dopa-Menu)
4. Define a consequence that actually works
5. Make it official and adjust as needed
Hope this helps 🤙🏻
P.S. If you want to work on executive function skills with your students, consider joining hundreds of other educators and parents who have completed my Semester Success Blueprint Course. In less than 2 hours, this comprehensive course will teach you and your student the system I developed to help hundreds of students learn how to manage school effectively and raise their self-awareness and engagement with school.
About Me
Hey! I'm Sean 👋
I'm a former public school special education teacher who realized that executive function skills are more important than knowing when George Washington crossed the Potomac.
Since then, I've made it my mission to teach anyone who will listen about how to develop these key life skills.
In 2020, I founded Executive Function Specialists to ensure all students with ADHD and Autism have access to high-quality online executive function coaching services. We offer online EF coaching and courses to help students and families.
Realizing I could only reach so many people through coaching, in 2021 I started the Executive Function Coaching Academy which trains schools, educators, and individuals to learn the key strategies to improve executive function skills for students.
In 2023, I co-founded of UpSkill Specialists, to provide neurodivergent adults with high-quality executive function coaching services.
When not pursuing my passions through work, I love spending time with my family, getting exercise, and growing my brain through reading. You can connect with me on LinkedIn.